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I am recently back from the Olympics where (as you probably know), breakers (breakdancers) were competing for the first time ever, and so in today’s post, I muse over the following;
My journey with breaking: I used to be a breaker, and I was there with Shortbread, whom I had known since early on in my journey (which began with my training with SunSun in London when I moved there to study dance). In 2009, I had the privilege of spending a summer in NYC training with Rokafella, before I was invited to train with Renegade’s bgirls (break girls), which is how I met Shortbread…
In 2012, I had the pleasure of dancing for SunSun as a Dalmatian in the breaking-inspired section of the Olympics opening ceremony in London. It felt synchronous to be in Paris when breaking was officially recognised as an Olympic ‘sport’ (Another story/debate I won’t get into today). The Olympics 2024 & My Break-Up It was beautiful (and epic!) to be in the stadium last weekend to witness and show support for breakers (Breakdancers) worldwide who had qualified to battle…
I shed a few tears: first, at Bgirl (break-girl) Talash using the platform to protest as a refugee who has left Afghanistan, then watching Ami, Nicka and 671 take Gold, Silver and Bronze medals at the Olympics.
Many bgirls were incredible and inspired me (after years of hearing comments about Bgirls (break-girls) not being as good as Bboys) and very proud to have been a breaker…
It felt healing watching Ami, Nicka & 671 collect their medals (for me, it lessened the pain of all those times on the breaking scene when I was told to ‘stop dancing like a girl’, and all the general misogyny present on the scene, and reflecting on one person once said that, ‘only losers break(dance)’…) because look at them now up there collecting their medals!!! 🥇
Whilst I watched them, I realised that this trip was also my closing ceremony: to love and reminisce the scene, the dance, my friends and mentors… and to retire as a breaker…
The initial reason I ended up being in Paris, is that Shortbread was on the Olympic lineup, and I wanted to be there to support them at this historic event. In the end, with the way the system works (with qualifiers based on points per continent), they didn’t make the final 16, but we managed to create tickets to watch 👑 And they are an amazing breaker (Gold medal levels I say: they are a Goddxx after all!), and if it is true for them to compete one day… they have my full support, and knowing their alchemical potential… I believe in them and will follow them there to watch them win!!! Raygun I did see Raygun (a breaker from Australia, who, for those who may have missed it, lost every battle and became a media sensation the very same day with memes about her breaking) of course, and she really isn’t the main focus of this article (though it does feel connected)… so I have tried to keep my Raygun thoughts as succinct as possible (for a Rainbow Butterfly)… and also because all this is just my opinion… (and, as my teacher says… opinions are the lowest form of advice)…
From her first battle, knowing the level of many bgirls who would have loved to be on the Olympic stage, I was disappointed and surprised at her moves: in fact, I thought I could have done better (and I haven’t been on the scene or training since 2017 and suffer from a massive not good enough belief!)
It was frustrating seeing some of her burns (insults to try to put her opponents off: such as yawning), when her level was not comparable (this is a part of the culture, but I feel there was something about respecting those who are doing things you cannot… especially as they seemed to be being very respectful to her and didn’t make fun of her or laugh at her but showed her love and respect for her being there)…
There was deep-rooted discomfort at watching a white woman from Australia dancing in a way that felt like she might be making fun of a Black cultural art form which has historically been about overcoming oppression and barriers (that made me feel angry and wonder whether she was lacking integrity and perhaps even living in complete illusion?)… especially with speculation that a group of underprivileged youth from the Northern Territory of Australia were denied funding to attend the qualifiers.
It was interesting to hear that she didn’t have a coach in the same way that countries who won did (such as China for example), and I reflected on how important having a coach is if we want to thrive in anything…
Something that inspired me about Raygun is that she went out there and did it… and hopefully, she did her best… that perhaps is a miracle when faced with the adversity of our inner critics and beliefs.
The day after the battle, I found myself scrolling with disturbing fascination as the numbers and comments on her latest post continued to go up and up… It was hard to discern what was fact and what was rumour…
I also felt sorry for her, and worried about how she might respond to so much online attention, especially seeing some of the very negative comments…
And then I realised that I really don’t know the answers to any of this and it was all just a major distraction…
My learnings I realised that the beauty of my decision to quit was being overshadowed by this story and distracting me from the excitement of what I know I want to create next (having done a Completion: a process I teach on The Goddxx Path, in a park in Paris whilst eating pasthèque) 🍉
And from the alchemy of witnessing bgirls being recognised as athletes (athletes of the gods in my humble opinion), at this historic event.
And from more important things happening in the Olympics (like Ami winning the gold medal), and in the world (like the far-right violence in the UK, and still more genocide in Palestine) 😔
And so I refocused on what I have learnt at the Olympics (from my completion process) and what I want to do in life/the world;
Before alchemy, whilst I was training regularly as a breaker, I held myself back a lot in my training due to my feeling I was not good enough… sometimes even thinking about breaking was painful, let alone watching it/battling, because I was confronted with my belief that I wasn’t good enough… even after I stopped training I felt the pain of having never reached the levels I would truly have loved to as a breaker.
But I realised as I ‘retired’, I let go of identifying with being good or bad… I was no longer comparing every breaker with my inner scale of my goodness or badness…
And by letting go of centring myself (and my belief) in the story (making it about me), I could finally watch Breaking and appreciate it without attachment and with love and appreciation for humans doing goddxx-like things…
I realised that previously, I loved breaking too hard and from the stance of the victim… I wanted it so much that I squeezed it too tightly… And conditionally… There was a way it needed to be… and I needed to be… And I was wounded (with some valid reasons) by the scene…
BUT
When I let go of definitions… I can just love it unconditionally… and that also creates more space for me to do ME (which right now is taking me on a new and exciting path… one that is MY truth) 😜
Having let go, I have realised I am still very loved up with breaking (and my husband too in case you were wondering!)… maybe more than ever! So much so that I probably would still throw down (breakdance) in circles at weddings (maybe at my own (wedding number 2) even)/parties/ceremonies because it forms a part of me when I freestyle… (but not at the Olympics!) 😝
When I do throw down, I am going to stop judging myself because I accept that breaking is part of my story, but not something I am attaching my merit and value to: I will move from love. This thinking would have been very helpful when I was training back in the day (and another example of why having a coach is important if we truly want to thrive in something!)
Of course, the breaking will most definitely come out when I am playing Maja in The Rainbow Butterfly (my show which is happening again this month see the flyer above)…
But mostly, having let go, I LOVE that I can TRULY appreciate the incredible artistry of others in the scene and just send them love and appreciation for their bravery & talent!
So here is my list of 8 for ways to truly love something (without squeezing it!)
What are your takeaways from my musings today? Did anything land? Does anything resonate (or do you have a different opinion)?
I want to say a massive thanks and respect to all the Pioneers & creators of Breaking and give my massive appreciation to all the breakers who competed in the Olympics (Raygun included) and I am so excited to see what this next generation of breakers brings next! 👑👑👑 Below (and above) are some ways to connect with me both at Maya Gandaia and Ella Mesma Company in the next few months.
I hope that wherever you are, you are finding moments to rest and enjoy the journey and for anyone affected by the 💩 of these times I send love in abundance ❤️
I hope to see you soon beautiful heart.
Biggest Loves,
Maya (Ella Mesma) xxx
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